Chapter Seventeen

Yeah! It's Saturday. Tonight, in spite of the grey skies and drizzle, I am going to Nickelback, my favorite band. It'll be muddy and squishy on the lawn, but who cares. I wanna be a rock star!!! I didn't forget about you. Never. I might of been too tired last night to even look at the computer, but today is a new day and a new chapter for all of you.

To match the depressing weather, our book goes from happy to sad... very, very sad. Poor, poor Kate. We're getting in the section of the book that my 15 year old liked best, and she's not even clinically depressed :) I like writing the sad parts as much as the happy. It's very cathartic. It's like watching a tear jerker movie. When you get out of the movie, your world seems so much better. That's what the next couple of chapters are like. Don't worry. It gets happy by the end. I'll give you that much of a hint.

Chapter 17


The hotel lobby was empty when I entered. I hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do. I didn’t have a key, and although I could probably convince the front desk clerk to give me one, I wasn’t sure I wanted to risk the publicity. My only real options were to either wait in the middle of the lobby or sit in the hotel bar.
I hadn’t taken a drink since the nightclub episode with Savannah. The remembered embarrassment and discomfort following the drinking worked effectively as a deterrent to any sort of alcohol. Up to now. I desperately needed and deserved the blessed numbness drinking brought.
I ordered myself a bottle of beer and sat down at a table with a clear view of the lobby, not even worrying about my age this time. I was Kate Broucheriou, wasn’t I? Or should it be Kate Thomas now? If I wasn’t careful, I though bitterly, I’d need a spreadsheet to keep track of my names. One thing was for certain; I was no longer Kate Swanson.
I quickly finished my first beer, raising my hand to motion for a second before my eyes could overflow with tears.
God, where was Logan. I looked at the face of my phone. The tears started again. I gulped down the second beer and motioned for a third. How many beers would it take before I’d forget Kyle’s words making me his daughter?
How long would it take for Mom to realize I was gone? Would she even notice I was gone? There was a time not so long ago I would never have thought she could forget I existed. Now I wasn’t so certain. This wasn’t Mapleton, and she was no longer the Mom I grew up with. The tears fell unabated onto the table. I raised my hand for a fourth beer. Where was the numbness I craved?
And Dad. David Dad. Not Kyle Dad. For my entire life, David Swanson had pretended to love me. His fascination with Matthew suddenly made sense. Matthew was his biological child – something he never had before. No wonder I felt as if I was demoted to second place in his heart the moment Matthew had been born. I was already there. I raised my hand for my fifth beer.
Who did I believe? Who did I trust? Logan. Melanie. Where did I live? No way was I living with my mother. David? Absolutely not. I wouldn’t want to interrupt his time with his “real” child. Logan. Maybe. Of course, even though I’d turned seventeen a couple weeks before, that would be difficult. My head collapsed into my arms. No numbness. I was nearly floating in a sea of beer, and I could still remember every word, every expression.
“Well, well, if it isn’t Katie. America’s little princess. I thought you didn’t drink, sweetie? I thought you were too good for that?” Savannah’s snide voice interrupted my thoughts. I hadn’t talked to her since the scene at the restaurant.
“Go away, Savannah.” I didn’t even bother lifting my head. Hearing her walk away, I thanked God for small favors. I couldn’t deal with Savannah. Not after all I’d been through tonight.
“Now, Kathryn. If you’d stuck with me instead of Goody Goody Logan, you would have learned. Beer doesn’t do shit when you really need it. Now tequila. Tequila can be our friend.” Savannah returned holding a bottle of clear liquid.
“Please, Savannah, go away,” I moaned.
“What’s wrong, Kate? Did you forget to say thank you to the doorman?” Sarcasm was thick in her voice.
“Why do you want to know? Have another reporter you want to sell a story to? I could pose for a picture if you’d like.” I could use sarcasm too.
“Don’t be like that, Kate. I did you a favor. You’d still be lost in obscurity without those pictures. You may even still be with Farmer Joe. That would have been a fate worse than death!” She reached out and poured me a glass of the clear liquid.
“Why, Savannah? I don’t get it? Why did you do it?” I’d wanted to ask for a long time.
“Because I hated you. Sure, you and your sweet little small town ways fascinated me, but even though I almost liked you, I couldn’t let you and your mom get away with it. You two ruined everything for me this summer. The role of Anna was supposed to be mine. Logan was supposed to be mine. Nobody takes what’s mine and survives.” Her voice vibrated with loathing. “Or maybe I just did it for fun? I don’t really remember any more.” She laughed bitterly, picking up her own glass and downing the clear liquid in one gulp.
“Logan wasn’t yours Savannah.”
“But he would have been.” She said the words as if they were absolute fact. Who knows? Without me around, maybe he would have been. The thought made a shiver of horror travel up my spine. “Drink, Katie. If we can’t be friends, we can at least drink together.”
What the hell? What did I care? I mimicked her earlier motion and downed the drink. Savannah laughed loudly and refilled my glass.
Finally, as the smooth fluid traveled down my throat and toward my stomach, I felt the beginnings of the oblivion I was searching for. I eagerly drank the second glass, and through the haze of the resulting fog, studied Savannah’s face. Since I hated Mom myself, I found it impossible to hate Savannah for feeling the same way.
“She’s a liar. You know that, right,” I slurred.
“Who’s a liar, sweetie,” Savannah questioned.
“Mom. She’s a liar. Everything’s always been a lie.”
“Oh, do tell,” she responded eagerly.
“It doesn’t make sense. How could she do it? How could she never tell me the truth,” I asked as Savannah’s face blurred in front of my eyes.
“It’s horrible,” she agreed. “I can’t imagine how you must feel. Here, have another drink, and you can tell me all about it.” The world spun as I watched her re-fill my glass once again.
Before I could lift it to my lips, a hand stopped me.
“Kate. What are you doing?” Logan glanced at my face with concern and back at Savannah with hatred.
My heart soared with relief, “Logan! Thank God you’re here.” I launched myself unsteadily into his arms.
“What did she do to you, Kate,” he said with concern. I was lifted into his strong arms and carried into the lobby.
“Go to hell, Logan. I didn’t do anything. I was trying to rescue our little Katie-bears.” Savannah gulped the remaining liquid out of her glass and followed us into the lobby.
“Rescue, my ass, Savannah. You only ever think about yourself.”
“Ask her, Logan. She keeps mumbling nonsense about Bridgette. Frankly I don’t give a shit,” she responded angrily and trounced out of the hotel.
“What’s she talking about, Kate,” Logan asked with concern. We were still standing in the middle of the lobby.
“Can we please just go upstairs?” I pressed my lips into his neck. Suddenly I didn’t want to talk about Mom and Kyle. I just needed to be held. I needed to experience Logan’s love.
We managed to make it as far as the elevator before my chaste kisses turned into something more. Logan tensed as my hands trailed down his chest to the base of his shirt. I yanked urgently on it, pulling it over his head. He turned his head to meet my seeking lips.
The ping of the elevator signaled our arrival at his floor. Logan fumbled in his pocket for his key, but I was too lost in his touch to notice when he opened the door to his room. The thick bed cushioned our fall as we collapsed on it. Since my dress was already bunched around my hips, it was easy to pull up and over my head. Logan stopped, stunned for a moment, before gathering me closely in his arms. I concentrated on tracing the hard planes of his stomach while his hand drifted down to my upper leg.
“I love you, Kate. I love you so much.”
I loved him too. My eyes filled with what started as tears of joy. Once started, though, they quickly turned to tears of remembered pain and betrayal. Why couldn’t I forget?! Even for one moment! I pulled away, turning on my side and curling into a fetal ball. The tears quickly turned into sobs.
“Honey, what did I do? Did I hurt you? Kate, I love you. I’d never make you do anything you didn’t want to do!” His words were frantic with worry.
I tried to choke out the words that would reassure him, “Not…..you……” I heard his sigh of partial relief.
“Was it Savannah? I’ll go find her now. I’ll kill her for hurting you!” I felt the bed squeak as he moved to stand.
“NO!” He couldn’t leave. I needed him too much. “It wasn’t Savannah!”
“Then what, Kate?
The sobs just came harder, quaking my body with their force. I shook my head in refusal.
“Please…. hold me.”
He must have heard the desperation in my voice because the questions stopped. My shoulders sagged in relief when I was pressed close to his body. Slowly, my sobs quieted and my breathing evened. Logan’s touch calmed me until I eventually drifted to sleep.
“I love you, Logan.” I whispered. In that last moment of consciousness, I heard him whisper, “I love you too.”

BANG!! BANG!!! BANG!!!
The loud sound of pounding penetrated the fog of my deep sleep. I lifted my head off the bed, realizing where I was immediately. Logan’s body was curved protectively around mine. I wearily dropped my head, wiggling to press my body closer.
“Go back to sleep, Kate,” his lips touched my neck and his hand curled more tightly around my stomach. The feel of his intimate touch on my bare flesh did more to wake me up then the banging.
BANG!! BANG!!! BANG!!!
“Kathryn Swanson! I know you’re in there. Savannah called to tell me this morning. LET ME IN!!” Mom’s screaming voice brought everything back. I sat up with a start.
“Kate, come on honey. Lay back down.” Logan’s hand reached to pull me back. When I wouldn’t, he sat up behind me. His arms wrapped around me and his lips found their previous position on my neck.
“Logan! It’s my mother.”
My lying BITCH of a mother. The woman who’d kept my real father from me for my entire life. The flood of anger that hit me surprised me with its force. God, how I hated her!
“Shit, Kate. Go let her in.” He finally appeared to realize we were both half clothed, and I was sitting in his lap and his very slept in bed.
“I don’t want to Logan. I hate her!,” I said vehemently.
“What’s going on? Since when do you hate your mother,” he questioned, puzzled.
I turned to look him in the eye. And told him the truth.
“Since I found out Kyle was my real father.”
It took a minute, but I finally realized Logan’s eyes showed a complete lack of surprise.
“You knew,” I accused.
My heart plummeted. I felt the last bit of my remaining naïve trust seep out of me.
Logan knew.
Did everyone lie? Mom, Kyle, David, Savannah, and now Logan? I bent down to grab my wrinkled dress off the floor.
“I didn’t know, Kate. I only suspected. You look just like him and your birthday is so close to the time they broke up.” Logan’s eyes followed my motions cautiously as I bent to pick up my shoes and purse from the ground.
“You’re all alike. Do they teach you to lie when you become an actor or is it just something you’re born with?” Pain shot through me. I almost couldn’t breath.
“Kate! Stop it! I love you! Don’t do this!” Logan’s eyes urged me to calm down. He reached out for me, but I quickly jerked away.
BANG!! BANG!!! BANG!!!
“Kathryn Raquel Swanson! If you don’t let me in, I’ll get the manager to do so,” Mom threatened.
“You don’t have to lie anymore Logan.” I ignored the sound of his denial. “Would you do me one last favor? Can you tell Bridgette I never want to talk to her again?”
I yanked the door open. Bridgette’s arm was raised in mid pound.
“Kate!”
I ignored her. I ignored the mother I had loved more than anything or anyone and now could never trust again. My losses were now complete. I’d lost everyone I loved. I could never trust again.
Bridgette’s voice called to me down the hall as I stepped into the elevator.
“Kate! Stop!”
But I didn’t. Even when I got in my perfect little car, I didn’t stop. I didn’t stop until I was halfway to Dallas and the car’s gas light blinked at me. As the miles flew by, I ignored every call, text, and email. I ignored the need to eat. I ignored the need to drink. The only need that mattered was to put as much distance between Houston and me.
Seventeen hours later, I pulled into Mapleton. I made it as far as the living room before I collapsed on the couch and fell asleep. Only the constant ringing of the phone disturbed my nightmares as I tossed and turned in restless grief.

© 2008 - 2009 Elizabeth Johnson