Chapter Twelve

Hello there friends, family, and strangers who I would love to be friends with. Happy Friday! Today was an "off Friday", so I theoretically had all day to relax. Ha!! Not likely. Off Fridays are busier than any other day of the week. I inevitably end up doing errands all day long. Today, I combined the fun of grocery shopping and getting necessities from Target with a exiting review of my families life insurance policies. Don't ever say I don't live an exciting life. Yeah!

The more exciting news of the week is that my 15 year finally became a whiny, self-important brat. Yippee! Arghhh!! Does anyone out there in cyberland long for a teenager? She's only slightly used. I'm sure she has a lot of good years left on her for the parent willing to put up with her crap for the next 6 or 7 years.

Okay, I'm just kidding, but, really, just last week she was even tempered and lovely to be around. You know, I really shouldn't joke about selling/giving away my daughter. The last time I did that at a ski resort apres ski happy hour, someone seemed to take me seriously. The offer was $20,000 for my then 5 year old, and they didn't seem to be kidding. Let's just say I said my goodbyes and didn't talk to that couple again. :) That should prove I really love my children. I could probably have got them up to at least $50K, and I was perfectly able to have more. Kidding.... really.... kind of.... Oh, well, I would probably have to pay someone $50K to take Elyssa right now.

On that cheery note, you'll all be glad to know that I'm feeling better. I know you were worried. Smile You could tell, right? My normal quippy chatter is back with a vengeance. Quippy... Isn't that a good word. Sometimes I word is just fun to say. I also like annealed, as in his lips are annealed to our bosses ass, and paradichlorobenzene (moth balls). What are yours? Tell me. Please. Leave a comment. I'm getting lonely.

I'm getting off topic. You're here for the book, not my whining about my children or discussion of my favorite words. I like this chapter too. We get more Johan and more Logan. We also get a trip to Kemah Boardwalk, a cool place to visit in the Houston area. As is the case with many of the scenes in my books, I'd visited Kemah right before writing Chapter 12. I didn't have a superstar hottie at my side (sorry Kristen, Dinesh, and Bill), but it was fun. Dinner, a walk along the pier, and a amusement park train ride. It might not be glamorous, but its my life and I use it indiscriminately for my books.

Chapter 12


Over the next couple of weeks, I avoided Savannah, unwilling to risk another fight with my mother or run-in with the paparazzi even to alleviate my all-encompassing boredom. Surprisingly, there is only so much tanning by the pool and shopping a person can do before they start to go crazy! Who would have thought?
Mom and I maintained an uneasy truce. She avoided the subject of Savannah, and I didn’t mention Kyle. Not that I didn’t watch for signs of a deepening relationship between Mom and Kyle, and not that Mom didn’t watch for growth in my friendship with Savannah. It made me sad, but there was definitely a strain in what had always been our effortlessly loving mother-daughter bond.
Then there was the Minnesota crowd…… It took days to calm Erik and Melanie down, and I was still working on Dad. Melanie claimed she understood, but Erik and Dad were still lobbying for my immediate return to Mapleton. I managed to convince Mom I was fine in Houston, but we both agreed that I needed to stay out of the papers. If that meant being bored stiff, well, that was a price I would have to pay it.
Since filming was in full swing, it was easier than I expected to avoid Savannah. We talked on a daily basis, but there were no more shopping trips or nights on the town. Apparently even Savannah Sears had to dial back the party girl side of her personality sometimes. As she said, it sucked when work got in the way of fun, but for now, her busy filming schedule was working in my favor.
Of course, Savannah being busy meant Mom was busy. Logan too…… Or at least I hoped that was what was keeping him away. I hadn’t seen Logan since he kissed me goodbye the morning after my night out with Savannah. I tried reminding myself how busy he was, that he was in Houston to work, that he wasn’t accountable to me, but it still hurt a little bit. Against my will, I couldn’t stop thinking of him. Erik was far away and grew more distant with each frustrating, argumentative, demanding call or text. I wasn’t proud of myself, but I inexplicably longed for Logan – mind, body, and soul.
Being alone sucked big time….. I could feel my perfect curls bounce in time with the slight bumps in the road. Today even my beautiful little car was failing to cheer me up. I’d hoped Johan and his magic blow dryer would provide some relief, but his incessant chatter failed to pull me out of my funk. Now that my hair was improved, Johan took my styling time to educate me on a variety of topics including hair, clothing, and guys. Who knew you could speed drying your hair by using paper towels, that jeans with big pockets should only be worn by women with small asses, and that guys……?
Well, Johan had tons of tips on guys. Gay guys always had the best advice – something about being a guy and liking to date them too. Not that he was much help on the Erik/Logan topic…. “Honey, I don’t care how long you’ve known and loved your Erik. I’d do Logan St. James any day!” That I didn’t intend to “do” Logan didn’t make any difference. Johan’s answer was always the same.
It was a moot point. Logan obviously hated me – every last pathetic puking part.
By the time I pulled into the driveway, I’d worked myself into a full pout. Hours stretched ahead of me. Hours I would be spending alone. Ichhhhhh!!!! I guess that’s how I missed the silver car sitting in front of my house until I nearly ran into it. Fortunately for my car, I noticed it in time to park beside it instead of on top of it.
Logan!!!!!!!!! Oh God, did I look okay? Yes, absolutely! Thanks to Johan and the care I took getting ready this morning (Why not? I had nothing else to do.), I was acceptable. No puke spots or alcohol breath - definite improvement over the last time.
Take your time, Kate. Don’t look too eager. It’s not really the most perfect guy in the entire world casually sitting on your doorstep. This isn’t the guy who’d starred in your dreams for the last few weeks. Nope, this is just an average, normal, everyday guy who you happen to like a bit too much (especially considering you have a boyfriend!!).
Even with my pep talk, I had to mentally restrain myself from rushing out of the car and jumping into his arms.
“Hi Kate.” Logan had gotten up and met me at my car.
“Hi.” I looked up at him, studying his gorgeous features as if trying to memorize them. Wow!
“I hope you don’t mind I stopped by. I got sprung early today and thought you might like some company.” Logan’s eyes looked into mine hesitantly. He appeared uncertain and almost shy. Amazing!
“Well, my social calendar is a bit full these days…..,” I joked.
“Oh, okay. I understand. I’ll see you later I guess.” His eyes moved away as he stepped towards his car.
“Logan! I’m joking. Of course I don’t mind you’re here.” I quickly exited my car and rushed towards him, placint my hand on his arm to stop him. A jolt of electricity shot from my hand to my heart.
“Are you sure?” He glanced at my hand and then at my eyes.
“Of course. I’m just surprised you’d want to be here.” This time my eyes left his and dropped. You and your big mouth, Kate! You had to bring it up.
“Why wouldn’t I want to be here,” Logan replied. He looked puzzled.
“It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen you, Logan. Considering how I behaved last time we were together, I assumed you wanted nothing to do with me.” There. I’d said it. Now he could tell me how much I disgusted him.
“Is that what you thought? I’m sorry. I’ve been in LA for most of the last two weeks. Boring family stuff. I would have called, but I didn’t have your number. And, I’ve been too nervous to ask your Mom. I wasn’t sure how she’d react.” He reached up to put his hand over mine where it still rested on his shoulder. A second electric shock hit my heart. If those shocks didn’t stop soon, he’d have to call the paramedics. That would be a surprise. I doubt too many sixteen years have heart attacks……
“Oh.” Considering I was still recovering from my irregular heart beat, it wasn’t a bad response.
Logan’s smile lit his face, apparently taking my highly intelligent response as an acceptance of his apology. “Let’s go then. I’ve been doing some research on the area. Today we’re having fun.”
Fun involved an hour drive down a highway, along a busy street, and across a scarily high bridge. When we arrived, I had to agree that Logan chose well. Kemah Bay sparkled brilliantly in the bright sun as it extended out into the Gulf of Mexico. I’d seen plenty of lakes in Minnesota, but the size and majesty of the bay took my breath away.
“It’s beautiful,” I whispered. My imagination moved with the water – out the bay, into the Gulf, and finally into the ocean. Unlike the lakes of my childhood, there was no end, only forever. I smiled as the salty breeze gently massaged my face.
“Yeah, it is.” The tone of Logan’s voice startled me. When I turned to him, his eyes weren’t on the ocean. They were on me.
I blushed and turned away, glancing again at the hypnotic movement of the small waves and onward towards the boardwalk surrounding us.
“What’s first?” I asked.
“Why, Kathryn Swanson, first we ride the rides of course.” Grabbing my hand, he pulled me over to the ticket booth. Seconds later, an unlimited ride bracelet was on my wrist, and I was sitting on a Ferris wheel, Logan by my side.
Over the next couple of hours, we rode every ride in the small boardwalk carnival at least three times. We were just two normal teenagers on our first date. Logan had exchanged his normal looking trucker hat for a funny, floppy one embroidered with the words “Kemah Boardwalk” as soon as we exited the Ferris where. With the silly hat and his sunglasses, Logan was well disguised. I wore a matching hat and my own large sunglasses. So much for looking glamorous! I tried to tell Logan I wasn’t nearly recognizable enough to need a disguise, but he sighed quietly and reminded me, “There was video of your night on the town on Entertainment Tonight. I think you’re recognizable Kate.”
Oh, yeah. That was a good moment. Where the Internet and magazine pictures hadn’t sufficiently freaked Dad and Erik out, the TV version completed the job.
When Logan suggested riding the twirly swing ride a fourth time, I feigned exhaustion and collapsed onto a bench.
“Oh, come on, Katie. Pleeeeease.” He removed his sunglasses to bat his blue eyes at me in his best imitation of a puppy dog.
“Katie is tired, Logan. Plus, if you don’t feed me soon, I’m going to faint.” I removed my glasses and pointedly glanced at the funnel cake stand, batting my brown eyes back at him.
“Funnel cake, Kate? I’m shocked!” He leaned in close to me, his breath glancing off my face as he whispered, “I’m an actor. Do you want me to loose my girlish figure? Only carrot sticks and celery for me.”
My face must have fallen because he started to laugh – loudly. “Kate Swanson! Here I was thinking you were immune to my acting talents. Let’s go get us some funnel cake.”
And did we get funnel cake! Not to mention ice cream, lemonade, pretzels, and even a corn dog. I could barely move by the time we were done, but Logan, having eaten twice as much as me, seemed fine. Girlish figure my foot! That boy could eat!! Obviously his flat stomach and perfectly defined abs were not the result of eating only carrot sticks and celery.
Our eating binge had taken us in the direction of a stage where a band was performing bad ‘80s rock. Benches were placed around the edge of the stage, and since music made Logan’s list of “fun” activities, I was allowed to sit and rest my aching feet (apparently strappy designer sandals with 3” heels were not made for amusement parks). Although the music was bad, the benches were still full, forcing me to lean inappropriately close to Logan – something we both seemed to enjoy.
As the band’s last song, an out of tune version of Foreigner’s “I Want to Know What Love Is,” played, we held hands, watching the sun sink into the bay. The romantic lyrics, even badly sung, wove a magic around and through us until I had trouble remembering why I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. I knew I had never felt like this about Erik, as much as I wanted to believe otherwise.
“Kate?” Logan’s eyes locked with mine, reading the torment in their depths. “Are you okay?”
I let my head drop on his shoulder before answering. “I have a boyfriend, Logan. All of this is wrong.” I waved my hand expansively.
“I know, Kate. Savannah told me – with great delight I might add. Plus you talked about him that night in the car. Even almost unconscious, you were feeling guilty,” Logan admitted.
“You know?” I lifted my head to look into his eyes.
“That’s the other reason I stayed away these past weeks, Kate. I like you too much. Boyfriend or not, I want you to be mine. I don’t even know the guy, and I’m wishing he’d disappear from the face of the earth. You make me feel more alive than I ever have, but I hate the way the guilt makes me feel. ” He gently lifted my chin and lightly touched his lips to mine.
A jolt of raw desire spread through my body at his simple touch. My lips tingled, my heart beat faster, and a strange clenching feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. Pulling back, I ignored all of the sensations and turned my back to him.
I couldn’t look at him when I spoke my next words. If he saw the anguish twisting my features, he’d know I was telling the biggest lie of my entire life. Erik deserved better than I was giving him right now. I needed to at least try to resist my growing attraction for Logan. The problem was I didn’t really want to.
“I like you too, Logan. But I don’t want to be with you like that. I love Erik. I’m sorry.”
I felt Logan’s body go tense. I didn’t turn around; I couldn’t. If I saw the pain I thought would be in his eyes, all of my good intentions would disappear, and I’d be in his arms. It seemed like forever, but slowly his body relaxed and imperceptibly shifted away from me.
“I understand, Kate. Friends?” I knew he was acting. I could somehow sense it, but I let him. If I let him act, I could still have him in my life. We’d just be friends. There was nothing wrong with just being friends.
“Friends. Perfect. We’ll be friends. Now, didn’t you promise me a speedboat ride and fireworks?” Jumping up with an exuberance I didn’t feel, I plastered a smile on my face and pulled him towards a long, red speedboat at the end of the boardwalk. Friends….. Absolutely. I would make it work. I let the word pound into my brain as I watched Logan’s car pull out of my driveway much later that night. There were no more declarations, no more kisses or hand holding, no more longing looks. That didn’t matter. The ghosts of the unspoken words, thoughts, and touches vibrated through the air, mocking me and my self-imposed faithfulness. I WOULD make it work, and when I couldn’t stand it anymore, well… I’d think about that later.

© 2008-2009 Elizabeth Johnson