Chapter Nineteen

Poor me. Long day - left early but worked late. Too much work, too little time. Yawn. Whine. Other than that, all is good. Smile :) No energy for quippy commentary... Driting to sleep...

Okay, I'll stay awake long enough to post Chapter 19. Finally, Kate starts to recover. Thank goodness, I was starting to get depressed. Enjoy the faint shine of light. Pretty soon all will be bright and sunny. Sort of...

Chapter 19

I dreamed that night and the next. Bright, vivid dreams of the life that hadn’t been. Mom, Kyle, and me together as a family – birthdays, family holidays, vacations. There were simple times too. Nights in front of the TV, dinners of pizza ordered in, homework at the kitchen table. Kyle was there for it all in my dreams. Happiness and love ruled.
I woke both mornings crying for the life that should have been.
Through all of this, I’d lumped Kyle in with Mom. Mom’s betrayal and lies were Kyle’s. But that wasn’t the case, was it? Mom had betrayed us both and stolen nearly seventeen years of togetherness. I’d spent nearly seventeen years watching my father in movies, magazines, and television, never suspecting there should be more.
Kyle should hate Mom as much as I did. He should have been raging at her, blaming her for those lost years. He’d missed so much – my first step, my first word calling someone else Daddy, the minor scrapes and hurts, my first love…. All of those moments in time were gone, unrecoverable and irreplaceable. Yet, he forgave her. Somehow he still loved Mom.
The second night of dreams was the worst. After spending the entire day at Melanie’s house surrounded by family togetherness, I was especially vulnerable. I hadn’t wanted to be there; I’d known the price I would pay, but Melanie had come over and dragged me out of bed.
“It’s Labor Day, Kate. You’re coming over. Mom will never forgive me if I come back without you,” Melanie insisted.
“I’m fine here, Mel. Really, I want to be alone,” I said.
“Nope, sorry! You don’t have a choice. You may be a big celebrity to most, but I’ve known you since before you were even potty trained. When you’ve seen someone wear a diaper, Kate, they sort of lose their star power,” she teased. Her words might have lighthearted, but her expression was determined.
Shit! And I’d been looking forward to a day of uninterrupted moping.
“Whatever, Mel,” I rolled my eyes but got out of bed.
Melanie kept watch while I got ready. I could hear the sound of the television in the living room as I showered and attempted to dress. It sounded so normal I could almost believe this was like any other Labor Day. A last blast celebration of summer before school forced you to be a responsible human being once again.
The air that flowed in through my open windows was hot for September in Minnesota. The weathermen called it “Indian Summer”. I called it a disaster. Other than the light sundress I’d worn from Houston to Minnesota that was currently crumpled in the back of my closet, I had no summer clothes. I suppose I should have picked up a couple of things in Mankato yesterday, but yesterday’s cold weather had given no hint today’s balmy temperature. I was just contemplating the appropriateness of wearing pajama shorts and a too small tank top I found buried in my bottom dresser drawer when the doorbell rang.
Oh, hell. If it were David again, I would bury myself back in my bed. Mrs. Carlson would have to come and drag me out. No way was I coming out of my room if David Dad was out there.
“Mel, can you get it? If it’s my Dad, tell him I’m dead,” I yelled.
“It’s not your Dad, Kate. It’s a huge truck and a hunky delivery guy,” Melanie yelled back.
I quickly threw on the shorts and tank top, pausing briefly at the mirror to cringe. At least the hunky delivery guy wouldn’t recognize me. No one would ever believe Kate Broucheriou could look so ridiculous. Melanie had opened the front door before I made it to the living room.
“Delivery for Kate Swanson,” the deliveryman said as he held out a clipboard for my signature. The logo on his shirt matched the one at the top of the log sheet, “Speedy Courier Service.”
“That’s me,” I claimed, signing my name and handing the clipboard back to the courier.
“Here’s part of the delivery. The rest is in the truck,” he said as he handed me a letter. “Kate” was written on the front in Mom’s large looping handwriting. I let it fall to the ground. I almost didn’t make it to the couch before my legs gave way.
Melanie hurriedly grabbed the letter before racing over to the couch. “Kate! What’s the matter? It’s just a letter.”
“It’s from Mom,” I explained.
“And?” Melanie’s voice was mystified.
“And I want nothing to do with her. I can’t, won’t, read that letter,” I flinched away from the letter as if it were a poisonous snake when Melanie tried to hand it to me.
“It’s your Mom, Kate. I know you’re mad at her about something, but this is crazy. You love your Mom,” she replied.
“Throw it away, Melanie. I don’t want it.” I turned away from her. I didn’t want to even look at the letter.
“I’m not throwing it away. I’ll put it on the kitchen counter. If you want to throw it away, you’ll have to do it yourself,” she said firmly. Her tone of voice said she clearly thought she knew better than I did.
Maybe she did, but then again, Melanie didn’t know the whole story.
“Miss? Where do you want these boxes?” The deliveryman had a dolly filled with large boxes. Each box was labeled in Mom’s beautiful script – “Shoes and Purses”, “Tops and Dresses”, “Bottoms”, and “Pajamas and Undergarments.”
When I didn’t speak, Melanie answered, “Just leave them there.”
The rumble of the truck pulling away from the curb pulled me out of my surprised immobility.
“She sent my clothes,” I said in surprise. I had never thought she’d send my stuff. I had been certain she’d hold it hostage, using it as a glorious, sparkling lure to draw me back to her.
Mom would know I could buy more, but she had to have sensed how much these clothes meant to me. They symbolized my transformation into the real me. I might sometimes wish the transformation never happened, but at the same time, I treasured the memories of becoming the person I was meant to be. I’d always cherish my time in Mapleton, but at heart, it wasn’t me – genetically or emotionally. I might still be figuring out the rest of this mess but of that I was certain.
“ALL of these are clothes?” Melanie’s eyes lit up with excitement.
“Yes,” I laughed, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the boxes. “Come on. I’ll show you!”
It was another hour before we made it to Melanie’s house. If not for Mrs. Carlson’s phone call demanding we come eat lunch, it probably would have been longer than that. Two teenage girls, even if one of them is depressed and mad at almost everyone she loved, and four boxes of designer apparel was bound to take some time to sort through. It took almost half an hour alone to pick out an outfit for the barbeque.
My resulting good mood evaporated as soon as I walked into Melanie’s back yard.
“Don’t be mad, Kate. He wanted to see you,” she grabbed my arm to keep me from walking back down the street away from Erik.
“How could you,” I cried. In my current state, I definitely wasn’t ready to see Erik.
“You would have had to face him tomorrow anyway,” Melanie shot back.
She was right. I would have had to face him tomorrow. “I’ll get you for this someday, Melanie Carlson,” I scowled, but turned around and walked into the backyard.
“Kate! Hey, honey, come get some food,” Mrs. Carlson called from the far side of the yard. I only had time to shoot Erik a nervous smile before being engulfed in the force of nature that was the Carlsons.
It wasn’t as if we didn’t speak. There were plenty of “Pass the mustard?” and “Yeah, it sure is hot today.” but no real conversation. Amazingly, there was a naturalness to our words and expressions that shocked me. Where were the angry glares I had expected? Where was the bitterness of our last conversation? I suppose he could have been being polite for the Carlson’s sake, but it didn’t feel like it.
There was something more, too. Something I might have missed if I hadn’t known these people so well. Once I saw it though, I knew I wasn’t mistaken. I might be absorbed in my own problems, but even through that absorption, the truth was obvious. A lot of things had changed while I was away.
“How long have you and Erik been together,” I questioned as soon as I got Melanie alone. I’d made up an excuse to get her up to her room and pounced as soon as the door shut.
The guilty look on her face told me I was right.
“It’s not like that, Kate,” she insisted. But it was. I could tell.
“You don’t have to lie, Melanie. I’m not mad.” I tried to keep my voice even and non-accusing. I wasn’t really. There was a weird, alternate universe feeling at seeing how they were drawn together, but other than that, I was fine.
“I’m not lying, Kate. You’re my best friend; I’d never do that to you,” Melanie persisted. I raised my eyebrows, looking her directly in the eyes, and waited for her to continue.
“He’s great, Kate. You know that better than anyone. When you broke up with him, he was so hurt. I did my best to comfort him – in a completely platonic way of course. I knew you’d want me to. Anyway, we both sort of let other feelings get involved.”
She seemed so sad, so remorseful. I could almost picture how it happened.
“Nothing’s happened. Neither one of us will let anything happen.” She was obviously telling the truth.
“That’s silly, Mel. Erik and I are done. You have my permission to be happy,” I leaned over to give her a hug.
“Are you sure, Kate? You don’t want to wait until you figure out what’s going on with Logan,” she asked, still uncertain.
“Melanie, I mean it. Even if Logan and I break-up for good, I can’t go back to Erik.” Erik and I weren’t meant to be together. I could suddenly see that Erik and Melanie were.
Melanie was beaming when we finally returned to the back yard. Erik protectively studied Melanie’s expression before turning to me. He mouthed “Thank you” to me before continuing with the conversation he was having with Mr. Carlson not quite able to hid the look of happiness in his eyes.
I made my excuses as soon as I could realistically do so. School was tomorrow. I needed my beauty sleep. I needed to clean the house a bit before tomorrow. They all sounded hollow to me, but Mrs. Carlson let me go. As I walked out the gate, I saw Erik gravitate towards Melanie. Tonight they could finally be together. Free of guilt and self-denial. It felt good to see them happy. It felt even better that I could be a part of making them that way.

© 2008-2009 Elizabeth Johnson